『! 10』 150710

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the bestfriend is back from thailand. he called and .. idk.. i just realized how much he means to me. he's the only one who's just.. really there? idk. no words are needed. we had a brief period where we didn't talk, but no words were needed when it came to forgiving each other. and yesterday, he told me how this bitch who was once a friend but she stole my boyfriend was out to get him too; and i just stiffened at the mention of her name cause yea, obviously. he reassured me many times that he'll always be by my side no matter what and i just really really started hoping again, you know? i've had the "when you don't hope you don't hurt" train of thought for long, but he keeps promosing me things he CAN keep and it just makes me want to hope again.

we decided to spend time in thailand together next year. he'll go with his family during april next year for 3 weeks, and spend the last 2 weeks of vacation with me during summer. we've decided that we stay in bangkok for one week(or possibly less, because we want to go to "let's sea" in hua hin, the hotel is gorgeous - check it out) and then he offered that we could stay at his house in udon for the last few days. it really made me happy. why? he's the first one to offer his house to crash at in terms of vacation. i've only had people stay with me, and it felt nice to know that i was welcomed at his place. i love you.

『! 9』 130710

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you know how you think you're someone's close friend, yet they don't consider you close enough to share their troubles or let you help them shoulder their burdens? to me, friendship is about being in things together; helping each other through it - not keeping it to yourself or telling other mutual friends without telling me.
i mean, cool; i'm up for helping anybody any day - but heck, what's the point in helping and giving advice when they don't listen just because "you don't know it all" and don't want to tell you? either tell me everything or just tell me nothing at all. it dissapoints me to know that people around me have been knowing more than me, listening to me blindly trying to help and give advice on something they knew 100% about. guess i'm not considered a close friend after all. it didn't happen just once, it happened a few times already. idek anymore...